My Confession

There is a hype hitting facebook recently on confessing some secrets that we would usually keep in our heart or share with a few best friends. (Eg. NUS Confessions, NTU Confessions, SAF Confessions)

I saw this post regarding an officer cadet that broke up with his girlfriend as he do not have sufficient time to maintain the relationship, using the 24 hours bookout time on rest or sometimes even confined where he cant even book out. And went on confessing that how he wished he had more time and on the other hand getting girls to understand their NSF boyfriend better.

Seems heartwarming to see him being remorseful and encouraging girls to be more understanding. I have seen a few other similar posts on such sad ending relationship on these columns too but I can never understand them, in fact disagreeing.

Here's the thing. We all had choices, this cadet surely knows what he has to go through for his OCS training, how much tough training he have to undergo and the limited time given to them, which is most of the time 24 hours only. There is family, friends, relationship and rest to be accomplished within that 24 hours. Did he saw that coming as a BMT recruit? Maybe he did... Then why did he agreed that he wants to go to command school during the interview then. Had he not taken all these into accounts?

Choices. We all had choices. Choices we made usually form who we are and usually we chose what the society would want, a typical product of the society. He chose pride, honor and respect over love at the point of time when he ticked that checkbox saying he is keen to go to command school.

He could have more time with his girlfriend on weekends if he had not went to command school and just serve NS as men. Usually men serves from office hours 8 to 5, especially pes C and E soldiers or even at most a stay-in which would led to no daily bookouts, just fri - sun evening. But he is not willing to do the sacrifice because there is an ugly truth in the society that many girls out there look down on men and even sergeants. Officer rank is the only thing that the society seems to accept now. However they do not realised that men makes up most of the population in army and they are the key in sustaining the operations. If everyone is a leader in the army, then who are there to listen to command and carry out the duties.

I am sick of being a typical product of the society now thats why I stopped many commitments I used to have. The turning point, my girlfriend.

Here's my confession:
The reality that I have to serve the army hit me when I was 18 in poly. I told myself I will make full use of my time and accomplish many things before I enlist. I had 2 years at that time before enlistment. Other than being a full time poly student and a CCA in squash, I also took up part time jobs even at a point doing 4 times in the same period where I usually spend my weekends and some leftover weekdays after school. I slimmed down because I hate how the world was looking at me, FAT from 85kg to 68kg. Another motivation was because I wanted to become a pilot. I walked the talk and 2 months before enlistment, I applied to become a SAF pilot and took a pilot test that lasted for 5-6 long hours and could only know the result in Sep. With that, the next step I know is to do well in BMT and get into OCS thereafter. I was all ready and enlisted on 8 Sep 2011 with a new relationship as well as I found Sheryl, my girlfriend and I collide on 7 Sep 2011. That was the turning point.

Being highly motivated in army, I trained well and was the top 3 fastest runner in platoon for 2.4km. Even boosted by recommendations from my buddies that I should go to OCS. I trained hard and fought from zero pull up fighter to 6 pull ups in 3 weeks. Then a good news came... it was a call from RSAF congratulating that I have passed the first pilot test and arranging a medical test for me. All of this seems that I am on the right track in fulfilling a dream of mine since I was a child - becoming a pilot. I went to find out more on the commitments I have to put in if I were to go on to OCS and the path of becoming a pilot. The path seems to be an adventure that I would not want to miss. Then I sat down with my girlfriend on my first bookout, sharing her on my further plans. She didn't said much but was very honest on her expressions - worrying and conflicting. She disapproved at first because of the missing weeks and months I would be in overseas training  and meeting once a week seems to be too little but after some persuasion she gave in and eventually allowed.

However, this was the time where I thought and reflected to myself, "Why am I making my girlfriend worried?" A relationship should be a happy one, that is also what we are always chasing after in life too - happiness. Does going to OCS and being a pilot make me a happier person or spending more quality time with family, friends and girlfriend make me a happier person? I weighed the option and realised is not that my girlfriend ain't understanding. Is simply that I am selfish. I am sacrificing many things just to accomplish some self achievements which is also what a typical product in the society would do now then that makes me just like an identical doll that is mass produced in a factory. What do I gain in the end? Would I lose or gain more? But for now what I can see is I have a lovely girlfriend who is also my best friend and also my playmate, why not build on this relationship rather than being a typical product. Many may say that my girlfriend ain't understanding or such sacrifice is unnecessary but I know one thing, I am happy with her and spending more time with her makes me happier - as simple as that.

With that, I rejected the medical test and stopped advancing in the pilot dream. I also wanted to be certain that I do not end up making unnecessary sacrifice so I OOC and went on to down pes which made me became a storeman. For 1 year as a storeman, I had the privilege of booking out daily to spend time with my girlfriend except tues and thurs where I am a private tutor for my 3 nephews. I am enjoying what I am doing now and for sure am happy. That first bookout discussion changed my view of life completely because I was confused that why isn't she sharing the joy of me passing the pilot test and hoping me to advance further but till when I thought deeper. I learned that life is too short, and what we all are after in the end is happiness. We should all be appreciative of what we have now that makes us happy and build on it instead of going in a circle to reach our common destination.

With the upcoming valentines day, this post is dedicated to you for making me a matured person I am now. I am thankful that I have you, Sheryl Choo :)

Our 1st Valentine Day in 2012!

A sweet one is coming in 2013!